Experiencing a Panic Attack: A Poem

Panic Attack

I can hear my heart pumping like a knock

on the door before someone else knocks down

the door I’m waiting to open and I cannot

open but need to open. I’m breathing steady

but only because I’m trying to breathe steady

and even though the breath is coming in it’s like

the breath isn’t coming and there’s a vacuum

building in my lungs and if I don’t breathe harder

the vacuum will build and destroy my lungs

and my lungs won’t breathe to my body and

my body will collapse and I won’t be able to open

the door that someone’s knocking at but they’re not

really knocking that’s my heart that’s knocking that

I can’t keep from knocking and

Now the world is spinning and I don’t want it to be

spinning I want it to stay still so I can keep them

from knocking trying to wake me up but I’m not

asleep I’m awake can’t you see I’m awake and I’m

trying to answer can’t you see me try to answer

but no you just see me breathing and you don’t like

my breathing and you’re trying to stop my breathing

but the vacuum is taking over and the vacuum

needs feeding and I’m feeding the vacuum can’t

you let me feed the vacuum but there is no vacuum

why do I think there’s a vacuum make the vacuum go

away and leave me be so I can answer this knocking

the real knocking the people knocking on the door

needing an answer that I need to give them now now now now now now